Fall 2005: ENC 1102: Argument & Persuasion: Invoking the Professional Voice
Introductions – Group Work Guide
Instructions for Groups:
Take turns reading your introductions aloud to your group. As you listen
to the introductions, note down any places where the wording seems especially
appealing, confusing, or too stilted. After the readings,discuss the introductions,
pointing out those places you’ve noted where the language is particularly
good or a bit confusing.
Now, as a group, answer these questions about each introduction:
1. Opening Sentence:
What kind of opening is used?
Does this opening pique your interest?
Could the writer make it stronger?
Can you come help the writer come up with a better or more persuasive
way to open the paper?
2. Second sentence:
Does the second sentence build upon the strength of the first?
Does it flow logically from it?
Does it continue to hold the reader’s interest?
How can you help improve it?
Does each successive sentence continue this logical “flow”?
3. Purpose of paper:
Does the introduction clearly define the purpose of the paper to follow?
Does it raise issues? Establish the topic and its significance?
Is there a definitive thesis? If not, can you help to define one?
Is the wording of the thesis clear and fluid? How can it be improved?
4. Connection with audience:
Does this introduction make a good “first impression” on the
reader?
What is its overall tone? Is this tone appropriate for the subject/audience?
Does the introduction establish the author’s authority/ interest
in the topic?
Does it engage the reader and carry the reader’s interest all the
way through?
5. Itinerary:
Does the introduction “map out” how the author will proceed?
If not, how might this itinerary be included?
6. Check for Problems:
Does each introduction avoid the “Don’ts” mentioned in the
introductions lecture?
Speechmaking formula
Gimmicks and “cute” attention getters
Definitive conclusion
A bland, broad beginning
7. Now look at the very last sentence of the introduction. This sentence
should “set up” the next section of the paper. Does it do
so? If not, help make improvements to complete the revision.
INTRODUCTIONS
1) Does your introduction “grab” the reader in some way?
Does it attempt to entice the reader? If not, here are ways you might
improve it:
~ Start with a quotation to set the stage
~ Provide historical background
~ Present a controversy or shocking statement/fact
~ Challenge a commonly held view
~ Pose a question or problem
~ Present a profile or anecdote
~ Move from general to specific
~ Move from specific to general (anecdote, illustration)
2) Does your introduction include a thesis or itinerary statement? If
not, can you clarify your approach by including one? Does the introduction
provide enough information about your “project”?
3) In what kind of “voice” have you written the introduction? Who is the “reader” you envision? Can you detect a distinctive tone in your introduction?
4) Go through the text looking for words that are not doing work, that are merely filler or extraneous to the sentence's meaning. You’ll want to remove those words and phrases.
5) Note the "to be" verbs (is, am, are, was, were): Remember that these words may flag passive constructions.
6) Also examine each sentence for the subject and its verb. Is the "main character" the subject of the sentence? Is the "main character" performing the "action" that the sentence's verb expresses? If not, revise the sentence so that the main character becomes the subject and performs the main action of the sentence.
7) Now consider each verb. Is this the best verb possible? What might be more vivid or appropriate considering your meaning and objectives?
8) Check the sentence structure: are there run-ons? Fragments? Short sentences? If so, fix the problems, using dashes, semi-colons, and colons. Check all spelling and grammar, too.
9) Check the subject-verb-object order of each sentence. Look for opportunities to vary this construction by inverting this order or starting sentences with prepositional phrases.
10) Look at how each sentence connects with the one before and after it (i.e., how the sentences flow). Can you improve the flow by re-arranging the sentences? How can the end of one sentence "hook" into the beginning of the next sentence? Do you spot any sentences that seem out of place? Revise and improve transitions both within each paragraph and between the paragraphs of the introduction.
11) Look at each noun. Is this the best noun possible? What might be more vivid or appropriate considering your goal?
12) Look at each adjective and adverb. Is each necessary? Could you improve the sentence by inserting a more appropriate noun or verb to convey more concisely the information of the adverb or adjective?
13) Have you avoided the following introduction “don’ts”?
~ Speechmaking formula—where you say what you’re going to
say and then you say it.
~ Gimmicks and “cute” attention getters
~ A definitive conclusion in your introduction
~ A bland or too broad beginning.
14) Does your introduction “set up” the next section of your
paper to follow? Can you improve this feature of your introduction?